There are not many years that go by that I will actually make a New Year’s resolution. To be honest I think it is often a silly notion to only make a decision to make a change only because we have a new year. I’ve always felt that the idea of a resolution should be you make a change, regardless of what the calendar says. The fact is, I’m sure I could stand to lose a few pounds, get in better health and give up my certainly unhealthy addiction to Mountain Dew, but I guess what it comes down to is that these  things could be a decision in October or May just as much as it could be made December 31st when the  clock is closing in on the completion of the year. I support someone who makes a decision to make a change, but for me, I just haven’t seen much benefit in doing so.

This year though I am going to make a resolution, but in all actuality it’s not about me but about a community we have found ourselves a part of. My simple resolution is to be a better, more passionate advocate for the autism community. If you look up the definition of the word resolution, you’ll see the definition, “the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.” We have big ideas; big plans for the next year. We have a desire to see real change, understanding and #awareness1by1 and I see that there have been some ways we have been able to accomplish this goal over the first year of F.A.A.S.T. being in existence, but we have so much farther to go. We still have fights from now and then with the local schools creating an understanding of what people on the spectrum experience every day, there is no greater example than the story from last week where a teacher placed a child in a duffle bag until his parent put a quick end to this injustice. These are the things that we, as a community of advocates, need to put an end to by educating others. 
 
In another post by “flappiness is” (http://flappinessis.com), the author wrote about the stares of disgust some of us get when our child is having a meltdown in a store, a restaurant, etc. We have all felt those  stares and in some cases become frustrated with the lack of compassion and snide comments we overhear from others wondering why we can’t control our child. In some instances, we’ve had to respond with a comment right back, often like, “he has autism, what’s your problem!!!” So much of this is difficult to change, in fact, we will never see a day where we’ll be able to fully rid the world of the stares or what we’ll call ignorance, but we can make a difference collectively. In April, we’ll celebrate World Autism Awareness day (month), but we all know too well that we have that day no matter what the calendar says, it is the hand we’ve been dealt, it is the cards we must play. We have a great opportunity as a community to make a difference and if it takes doing so one person at a time, or as I say #awareness1by1, I am up for the challenge.  

Our community is unique, but as the quote says, “different, not less.” We must resolve to speak to those who clearly do not understand whenever we can. We must challenge ignorance with information and be willing to create a world that is more kind, more understanding and more willing to understand the needs of our loved ones. We must use the time we have on this earth, the dawn of this New Year to make a difference and  to be an advocate in the truest sense of the word. As the sun sets on 2011, from my family to yours, I wish you a New Year full of hope and health, love and happiness.

What a year it has been!

Well, that time is upon us when we put to bed the past year and welcome in another and we have a lot to look back upon. It was about a year ago this week when our little man, Kian, received his official diagnosis of being on the spectrum. For Robyn and I this was not a surprising revelation, but an answer to the nearly decade long questions we had for him. It was a “call to action” in many ways as it was through his diagnosis, his needs and a simple conversation with his doctor that started what we now know as F.A.A.S.T.! It was a year ago this week that we recognized that it was time that we stood for something and worked to make the world a easier place for Kian to live in, a place that would accept him for who he is, for the greatness he possesses and the normalcy that he needs in a world that will be increasingly difficult to navigate. This calling has not been something we’ve taken lightly and in many ways has been the calling I personally have been looking for. It has been an honor for me to be part of this community and I have learned much more about Kian and myself, lessons I’ll never forget.

We officially started F.A.A.S.T. at the end of January 2011, created our logo, Facebook page and website, and launched into the world of families facing autism head on. I was introduced to a gentlemen north of the boarder who I know consider my mentor, Stuart Duncan (Autism from a Fathers Point of View). Although I have never met Stuart face-to-face, I’ve witnessed the tremendous dedication he puts in to make the world a better place for his son Cameron and the great steps he has taken to  spread the message of awareness and acceptance. I quickly gained a great admiration for Stuart and respect for the time he has put in, the leadership he has exhibited and motivation to be a source of information to make the autism spectrum more understood by the general public. This is certainly no easy task, but the daily messages I receive from Stuart in my email box and computer screen has illustrated just what it takes to make a difference in this community, which he does so very well. To you Stuart, I thank you for being a leader, a mentor and a friend. I’ll not soon forget your guidance and leadership; you are a true advocate in every sense of the word. 
 
The first year of F.A.A.S.T. was very eye opening to say the least. We’ve learned, we’ve cried, we’ve shared experience and we’ve gained a network of great friends who today hold very dear to our hearts. Not only the people who have attended our meetings, but our guests have become a source of friendship and support. I would be remiss if I did not mention each one by name specifically, so to Dr. Megan Farley, Dr. Adam Schwebach, Maurine Newton, Josette Dorius, Amy Peters and Joel Manwill, we thank each of you for your willingness to share your expertise, your experience and most valuable, your time to help educate and grow, relate to each other and establish a community through hope and compassion. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention the support we’ve received from Laura Anderson and Cheryl Smith of the Autism Council of Utah, Mirella Peterson of the Utah Autism Coalition, Mary C. Ray and Erik Peacock of MyAutismTeam and Tammy Custer of the Airmen and Family Readiness Center, Hill AFB, UT for the love and support you have all shown us. Each of you are heroes to me and my family and I truly appreciate your contributions in making F.A.A.S.T. what it is today. For that I am eternally grateful. I truly look forward to working with each of you to over the coming years as we work diligently to improve the lives of those on the spectrum, and create awareness within our communities. Thank you all.
 
The next year is going to be big with a number of things we’ve already got plans for and with continued  effort, all of those things will come to realization. We are eager to continue to spread awareness and make a difference in the lives of people who stand in front of the challenges autism presents on a daily basis. I firmly believe that 2012 will be a great year and we will make a difference in our communities and continue to create #awareness1by1. In closing, I want to express my appreciation to my lovely bride Robyn for all the support you have given me over the past year. From spending a month as an acting single mom while I was back east to the running from place to place to get what was needed, you’ve kept a smile on your face and a supportive word or two when needed. From the late nights spent talking with our state representatives to sitting in front of the computer finding stories or videos that give hope to those who follow us, you haven’t complained. I’m grateful for that and appreciate your drive and dedication to what we are trying to accomplish. You’ve always been a great wife and mother, but I haven’t always been able to see the great supporter you are; thank you for that.

From my family to yours, here’s wishing each of you a very happy holiday season and a very happy and healthy 2012!

Best wishes,
The Vaughan family

Over the past few months, I’ve had the pleasure, even the honor of visiting with my representatives and senators to tell them our story of  autism and share with them a brief glimpse into the world that all of us
have  been forced to live. For me personally, this has been a great opportunity to become more aware of who my representatives are and the role they play in framing the future of the next generation, that being the generation of my children. 

For myself, I have been skeptical of our representatives merely because of the constant bickering, finger pointing and apparent lack of desire to put political party lines aside and come to a resolution on how to face head on the dire state our country faces. Honestly, how many of us watch what goes on in Washington and not ask ourselves who are they really serving? The country or big business? Working for the Department of Defense, I see the political side of life all too often and in so many ways I am disgusted and  disappointed that as a country we have such little respect for the person across the aisle; that we are often unwilling to make any compromise. In this day of instant media, maybe our representatives simply don’t want to make a  controversial statement or support the “wrong” bill in fears that the term they are serving will come to an end with a defeat in the next election. 
 
That said, I want to share an impression I have of some of my  representatives. In the past few months, I have met with a senator and multiple  state representatives either at their homes or at mine. The first
thing that I  have noticed is that each individual we have spoken to has been extremely  interested and willing to listen to our story. Each one has shown genuine  sympathy for the situation and has been an engaged participant in the discussion. Each of these discussions has proven to be highly productive, mutual  information sharing sessions. For each person involved, from mom and dad to the  public official, we have been able to express our concerns, share ideas and gain  a perspective we might not have otherwise had the opportunity to gain without  the one-to-one sit down. It has truly been an enlightening opportunity for me,  showing that the portrayal of our representatives, at least what we see as Americans, is not always as it seems. I have found that my representatives are  caring individuals with a genuine concern for their community, their constituents and their country. These gentlemen that I have met with truly exhibit the quote of my idol Abraham Lincoln, “a government of the people, by the people, for the people”. I am grateful and tremendously appreciative of the opportunity that I have had to meet these men and share with them. 
 
There is someone else that I want to express my appreciation  for, that is Mirella Peterson, President of the Utah Autism Coalition. Mirella  has been a driving force behind putting these meetings together and the catalyst  to get this movement heading in the right direction. I appreciate the efforts  that Mirella has made to set these meetings up and the confidence she has shown  in me to represent this movement.  Thank you Mirella for all phone calls, emails  and research you have done to facilitated a positive and fruitful opportunity to  interact with our representatives.

There’s a post I’ve been contemplating for quite a while, but never really knew how I would say what it is that I’ve wanted to say. It’s a post that is directed to all the dads out there, but I want it to be understood
that it is not exclusive for dads, but for all parents. At the end of the post though, I think you’ll have an understanding of why the right words have been hard to come by. 

Dads are supposed to be tough, the leaders of the home, the guardian of the family, the “king of the castle”, insert your own definition here. The point is, for most of us dads, we have a feeling that it is up to us to make it right, to make the lives of our family the best they can possibly be. Am I right guys? Have those thoughts entered your minds from time to time, or always? I think we all know the answer to that question. Well, why is that? Is it because it was a learned trait? Is it because we are as the song goes, we are “Macho, Macho Men”? Whatever your reason, I’m there with you. Even with my lovely, strong willed bride telling me otherwise, I still feel as if it is my responsibility to do everything and anything I can to take care of my family. I recently said, “I would sell my left kidney to get my son into this school” and
I think that most every dad would do just that if it meant a better life for their kids, a better place in this world, a better education, etc. 
 
My story starts just like most dads, the birth of our children is a surreal time in our lives. We watch that life come into this world and know that our world has changed forever but in the best way possible. We hold our child for the first time and for many of us we feel that instant connection, the fathers’ love that says, “I would do anything for this child.”We know we would walk through a wall, jump through fire, anything to make sure he/she is always taken care of. As we watch our child grow, our pride in our child grows. We find ourselves living our lives to better theirs. But there’s something wrong. You know your child is different, you wonder why he’s slow in development, you wonder. You ask yourself, “is this something I did?” “What could I have done differently?” We feel guilt, we doubt ourselves, we feel anger, frustration and at times we just get downright “pissed” that our child has these struggles. Without saying it out loud, we feel hopeless. After all that, we get the diagnosis: autism. 

Think back to that time, how did you feel? Lost? More questions than answers? Frustrated? Grief stricken? Did you even truly understand the road ahead for your child?

All of us have probably had all of these feelings from time to time; dads, that includes us. No matter what persona we want to put on, we are not immune to these feelings. The fact is, as dads we often feel like we cannot have those feelings because we need to be strong for our spouse, even stronger for our child. That said, here is the message I have for each and every dad, take time for yourself. There’s an old saying that if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of your family. It’s true, yes, and there are often times where I have to remind myself to try to do that very thing myself. We need our energy to be the advocate for our child, the best advocate that we can be. We need to be involved in our child’s lives to allow for the dreams you had, are achievable. Will they be the same dreams, maybe not, but they are new dreams. We have a responsibility, one given to us by a much higher power, to make our world prepared for our child just as much as we prepare our child for the world. I challenge each and every dad reading this to be the just what these kids need, an advocate, a teacher, a friend, a dad. Be the best dad you can be.